Chapter Eighty-Four: Luo Yinxiang Is Expecting

Le'er searched and searched but could not find Luo Yinxiang. Shuangqiao Town was barely bigger than a speck of dust; where could she have gone? He had looked in every corner and still found nothing.

“Where the hell have you gone? Honestly, you didn’t even tell me.”

He was uneasy about Luo Yinxiang, but then Secretary Huang called to hurry him along, so he had no choice but to go to the restaurant. When he came home that afternoon, however, Luo Yinxiang was waiting for him in the yard.

“Where the hell did you run off to? I searched the whole street and couldn’t find you. You son of a bitch, you came back without a word and didn’t even say hello.”

Le'er was irritated. He unlocked the door, cursing as he did so. Yet Luo Yinxiang looked overjoyed. She followed him into the house and suddenly wrapped her arms around his waist.

“What are you doing? Let go. I don’t like this.”

“Good man, don’t be mad...” Luo Yinxiang pressed her face against his back. “I’m happy.”

“So just because the play turned out well, you’re this happy?” Le'er felt her chest pressed against his back, desire stirring in him, and his tone softened a little. “Even if you’re happy, you still shouldn’t go off on your own. Don’t you know I was worried about you?”

“I... I went to the hospital.”

“What did you go to the hospital for?” Le'er pulled her around to face him and looked at her. “Are you sick?”

“No.” Luo Yinxiang still held his waist from the front, her expression tender, clinging to him like a kitten. “I went for a checkup... My period hasn’t come this month, and I’ve been craving sour things.”

“Haven’t come what... Uh... What do you mean?”

“What other meaning could there be?” Luo Yinxiang looked even more radiant today, her lips red as if painted. “I... I went to the hospital and had an examination. I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant with what...”

Le'er stared at her, his mouth falling open.

“Pregnant with what else? Your child, of course.”

As soon as she said that, she buried her face in his chest and would not lift it again. Le'er, however, felt as though a thunderclap had split the sky. Trouble, he thought.

“You’re not talking nonsense, are you?” He still didn’t believe it and pressed his hand to her forehead to feel for a fever. “Are you running a temperature?”

“I didn’t say I had a fever, and I’m not talking nonsense. I really am pregnant with your child.”

“Didn’t you say you couldn’t have children?”

Le'er was thrown into confusion.

“Your seed is good. The moment it was planted in my field, it sprouted.” Luo Yinxiang’s face was full of happiness, but then her expression turned furious. “That dog-shit Sha Jinhai—his own thing is useless, his seed won’t take, and he still dares call me a hen that won’t lay. Hmph, I think he’ll never have a child in his life.”

Saying this, Luo Yinxiang felt a great release of old grievances, but when she saw the deep furrow in Le'er’s brow, she was startled.

“Le'er, you’re not happy?”

“I... I’m troubled.”

“Le'er...” Luo Yinxiang suddenly burst into tears and clung to him even tighter, a trace of fear rising in her heart. “You’re not going to make us get rid of the child, are you?”

“Yinxiang, let’s sit down and talk properly.”

Le'er sat down on the bamboo couch. Luo Yinxiang followed and sat in his lap, her body nestled in his arms. He gently and tenderly stroked her body. Neither of them spoke for a long while, but Le'er could hear her muffled sobs.

“Le'er, let’s keep our child, all right? Don’t make me get rid of him. I want a child so badly.”

“Yinxiang, if this child is born, will he really be mine?” Le'er sighed. “You and Jinhai aren’t divorced. If the child is born, he’ll still be the Sha family’s child.”

“I’ll divorce him.”

Luo Yinxiang said this with certainty.

“Even if you divorce now, it’s too late,” Le'er said gloomily. “Besides, we aren’t married either. By your own words, I’m just your secret man. Once the child is born, how will he live in the world?”

“I’ll raise him myself. I don’t need either of you to care.”

Tears streaming down her face, Luo Yinxiang said, “You’re so heartless.”

“Yinxiang, think about it. If you give birth to the child and divorce Sha Jinhai, will his family let you take the child away? Since Sha Jinhai’s seed is useless, do you think his family will just hand the child over to you?” Le'er looked at her. “Even if they know the child isn’t Sha Jinhai’s, they’ll still insist on raising him. And what will Sha Jinhai do later? If he sees another man’s child by his wife, won’t he be angry? Won’t he beat him? I don’t want my child suffering in someone else’s house, the way I did. Since I was eight, I’ve lived through that kind of pain—no father’s love, no mother’s care.”

As he spoke, tears welled in Le'er’s eyes too. Since the age of eight, he had rarely cried, but thinking of those years without a father’s love or a mother’s care, thinking of the misery of being bullied by boys older than himself, his tears came despite him.

Seeing Le'er cry, Yinxiang cried even harder.

What Le'er said was the truth. No one would willingly send their own child to be raised in another family’s home, where the child could be bullied without being able to speak up, suffer without anyone helping. But Luo Yinxiang’s thoughts were different. Because she had married Sha Jinhai and failed to bear him a child, she had suffered his humiliation for years. Only now did she understand that it was not that she could not have children, but that Sha Jinhai was the one who could not. Of course she wanted to give birth, to prove to Sha Jinhai that she could bear children, to vent the resentment in her heart.

There was another reason as well: she wanted to have her own child, she wanted to be a mother.

But she also knew that she could never become one. Le'er would certainly not agree.

“Yinxiang, don’t cry.” Le'er comforted her. “We’re still both so young. There will be plenty of chances to have children in the future. We can’t keep this one.”

Yinxiang had no choice but to nod. Yet she could not help feeling heartbroken, suppressing her sobs. Those stifled cries were even more painful to hear.

“Lie down here for a bit. I’ll go cook. You definitely haven’t eaten lunch.”

“No, let me cook.”

“Just lie there...” Le'er felt a little guilty. “Damn it, I’ll make us a meal. Stop arguing with me.”

Seeing that he was angry, Luo Yinxiang obediently lay back down. After the two of them ate, and after a night of lingering tenderness, Luo Yinxiang finally agreed that after the county performance, she would have the child removed at the county hospital.

To comfort her, they spent every night together for several nights after that.

“After the county performance, I’m going to find Sha Jinhai and divorce him.” Luo Yinxiang said bitterly, “I’m going to anger that useless bastard to death, that seedless thing.”

“Are you going to Guangzhou?”

“Yes.”

“Once you’re divorced, you’ll have to go back to the Luo family.”

“I’m not going back.” Luo Yinxiang suddenly realized something and said, “How could I have the face to return to the Luo family? Back then I cried and made a scene just to marry Sha Jinhai. If I went back now, wouldn’t I be laughed to death?”

“Then what will you do?”

“I’ll stay in Xiasha Village.” Luo Yinxiang said weakly, “In the future, can I build a little thatched hut in your bamboo grove and live there? I don’t want to leave you.”

“This... how could that work?” Le'er said with a headache. “Once you’re divorced, the people of Xiasha won’t let you stay here either.”

“Le'er, don’t make me leave, all right?” Luo Yinxiang began crying again. “As long as I can live in Xiasha Village, that will be enough. I won’t trouble you. Don’t drive me away. You’re the village assistant; as long as you say you won’t drive me away, who would dare?”

“Fine, let’s not talk about this now.” Le'er patted her gently. “When I set up the snake farm later, I’ll find a way to arrange things for you. It’s just that the two of us... well, it really is troublesome.”

Hearing this, Luo Yinxiang smiled with delight and threw herself into Le'er’s arms, holding him tightly.

This woman, so fearless in both love and hate, was truly a woman possessed by her feelings.